Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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