You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
