woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
