I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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