in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
