I am midnight drunk by noon
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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