You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
