I'm gonna have a badass scar
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
