I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
