I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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