Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
