boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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