I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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