i would punch a child for taco bell
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
