Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think my moral compass just broke
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