How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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