Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
