Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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