1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im six kinds of drunk right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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