She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
