It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
