she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
