i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
