Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
