very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
