Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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