he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
