I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
