I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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