I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
