Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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