just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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