Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
