things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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