went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
