You made me cry and you don't even care
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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