A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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