I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
