ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The air taste purple.
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