i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
