So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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