i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
