Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize