Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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