last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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