I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
