dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
