And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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