If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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