Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
