Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
