I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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