this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
