either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
