How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
