ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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