A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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