So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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